The Ups & The Downs
|Dad & I (July 2016)|
I felt so much better after writing my last post... temporarily, that is. Sunday rolled around, and Jason was getting ready to leave once again, and I kind of lost it. Now that he knows how I've been feeling, he felt bad that he had to leave again, which made me feel worse. However, the interesting part about it all was that it felt like *a little* anxiety but more self-anger that I couldn't get control over my emotions. I found myself thinking that dark, nasty thought that I'm too hard to love.
It's feeling like time to go back on those anti-anxiety meds. I hate relying on medication, but I want to do what's right for myself and my family. I don't want to put Jason through all of the hard times. And I don't want to put myself through any unnecessarily hard times either. It's also time to start the counselor search all over again, and take it a step further to find a doctor who can work with me on medication management. I'm not entirely happy with the medication I've been taking (generic Prozac) which a) gives me severe heartburn sometimes, and b) I'm not entirely convinced is having a genuine effect on how I feel and manage anxiety. I'm getting some great local recommendations from people who have "been there" so I'm optimistic that I'll find the right person/team of people to help me get on course.
In brighter news from the weekend, we leased a new car. My first new car ever! For over 15 years now, since I've had my license, it's been one sad-looking used car after another. My 10+ year old Toyota Echo has been a good little car for me. It's the only car I've owned that hasn't abandoned me on the side of the road, and I'm grateful for that, obviously. But now, being a 30-something professional woman, I have been anxiously awaiting the day when I would be able to cruise around in a nice "grown up" car. So, it's quite a dream come true!
I hope y'all had a fantastic weekend. I feel like they're always a day too short, but they are a blessing nonetheless.